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Sermon preached on Ephesians 6:1-4 by Rev. W. Reid Hankins during the Morning Worship Service at Trinity Presbyterian Church (OPC) on 08/09/2026 in Petaluma, CA.
Sermon Manuscript
Rev. W. Reid Hankins, M.Div.
We continue this section on Ephesians dealing with submission and authority by turning now to consider the relationship between parents and their children. The Lord would have families to be well ordered. The world has its various approaches to parenting, discipline, and family life. This passage reminds us that our new life in Christ calls us to think biblically about family. As with all three of the authority structures in this section of Ephesians, we see here that there are admonitions to both those in authority, and those under authority. I’ll have us work through this passage in three points. First, we’ll consider what this passage says to the children. Second, we’ll consider what this passage says to the parents, especially addressing fathers. Third, we’ll step back and consider how Paul says this is the first commandment with a promise, verse 2. Family is so foundational to society. May this lesson be a great blessing to us.
Let us begin in our first point by addressing children. Children, this passage calls you to obey your parents. That includes both your mother and your father. Obeying your parents is similar to how you obey God. Remember those sins of commission and omission. Children, don’t do what you are not supposed to do, that would be a sin of commission. Do what you are supposed to do, otherwise that would be a sin of omission. If you are unsure about something, then ask your parents, and then do what you are told. Children, you need to be careful to obey your parents while you are growing up and living in the home.
Children, this passage also calls you to honor your parents. Now, one day, when you grow up and move out of your home to begin your adult life, you won’t have the same requirement to obey them like when you were growing up as a child. But you will still be required to honor them. The Bible is very clear that honoring parents is a lifelong duty. For example, when they get older, you will need to make sure you are caring for them, like how they cared for you when you were young. 1 Timothy 5:8 says that if someone won’t provide for their aging parents, they have denied the faith and are worse than an unbeliever.
To honor your parents is to show them the respect they deserve as your mother and father. It is about valuing them the way you should value them, and it shows in not only what you do and what you say, but how you do it and how you say it. There is a way that you could technically obey your parents but do it in a dishonoring way. For example, if your mother asks you to go and clean you room but you yell and complain the entire time about it, then you are dishonoring her even while technically obeying. So then, when a parent asks you to do something, you should have the right attitude and the right tone of voice. You should do it promptly, fully, and completely, not half-heartedly or only when they are watching. You should do what you are asked to the standard that you know your parents want, not to your standard, or just well enough that you can tell them you did it.
Now children, notice that this passage also tells us about why we should obey and honor parents. Look at verse 1. It says it is right. It is the right thing to do, to obey and honor them. Paul explains by them quoting the fifth commandment, “Honor your father and mother.” So, when Paul says this is right, he means this is righteous. Children, if you want to live a righteous life, then you need to honor and obey your parents.
It is important to think about why you should listen to your parents, because there are probably other reasons why you might be inclined to obey them. You might obey your parents because you are afraid of getting in trouble if you don’t. That’s a good reason to obey. You might also honor your parents because you think they might somehow reward or commend you, if you do. That also is a good reason to obey. You might honor and obey your parents because you love them, and want to please them. That also is a good reason. There might be other reasons too, some maybe not as good, like you only start to comply once you’ve already been caught. But of the many reasons why you might obey and honor them, Paul says here that you should ultimately do it because it is the right thing to do. It is righteousness, and the righteous way is always, ultimately, the best way.
But there is one more reason to honor and obey your parents. Verse 1 says to obey them “in the Lord.” To obey them in the Lord means that you do it because you belong to Jesus. Jesus is your Savior and Lord. You love Jesus. He lives inside your heart. And so, you obey your parents to obey Jesus. You honor your parents to honor Jesus. When you find that your heart wants to honor and obey your parents, you can thank Jesus for shaping your heart to what is right. If you find that your heart isn’t in the right place, you can pray to Jesus to help you honor and obey your parents from the heart. Children, may you be encouraged to honor and obey your parents in the Lord.
Let us now turn to our second point to see how Paul addresses parents, especially fathers. As the authority over the children, they have certain obligations if they are going to righteously parent their children. These requirements for proper parenting are there in verse 4. It says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Now, let me begin by confirming that the word for “fathers” in verse 4 is specifically addressing the male parent. Paul chooses to specifically address the fathers and not the mothers at this point. That is fitting because of what we studied last time. In marriage, the husband is the head. While parents are made up of mother and father, the head of the parenting unit is the father. As the head, the father is ultimately responsible and accountable for the parenting of the child.
Now, this doesn’t mean the mothers aren’t intimately involved in all this. While fathers are addressed in verse 4, Paul already told the children in verses 1 and 2 that they need to honor and obey their parents, specifically mentioning both father and mother. Both parents are in authority over the children. Both are to be honored by their offspring. Proverbs 30:17 graphically says, “The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures.” So, while verse 4 specifically gives instructions to fathers as the head, a mother should still listen up and work together with her husband in fulfilling what verse 4 commands. That’s what being one in marriage means, that together they need to look to fulfill the demands of verse 4.
That being said, fathers, I want you to appreciate that it does specifically address you. Being the head means that you need to show leadership here. Your wife is counting on you to step up and lead in the area of discipline and parenting. Don’t neglect this and just expect your wife to handle the kids. 1 Timothy 3:4 says that this is a requirement for church elders. It says, “He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? This doesn’t mean that only elders need to properly discipline their kids. It means that this is a responsibility for all fathers, and so you can’t be an elder if you haven’t first shown you can manage your own affairs well. Fathers, Christian maturity for you requires you to take this responsibility seriously.
So then, the command to parents tells them what they shouldn’t do and what they should do in parenting. What they shouldn’t do is provoke their children to anger. This is not referring to when you properly discipline your children and they get upset that they got disciplined. It refers to any sinful or foolish way a parent treats their children in the name of discipline. Those are things you need to put off in your parenting.
These then are some examples of ways you might provoke them to anger. You might provoke them to anger if your discipline is too severe. The punishment should fit the crime, so to speak, not be overly harsh. You might provoke them to anger if you are unjust in your discipline. An example of being unjust is to punish them after hearing someone else’s accusation against them without giving them opportunity to share their side of the story. You might provoke them to anger if you are overly critical. If you have such high standards that it becomes impossible for them to meet, you will surely wear them out and exasperate them. You might provoke them to anger if you show partiality among their siblings. There should not be a double standard in how you discipline because you are favoring one child over the others. You might provoke them to anger if you are overbearing in your authority. No one wants an authority to control every single detail of their life. Wise parenting knows you are training your children to know how to make good choices, and you’ll need to give them increasing measures of personal freedom to have the space to practice that. You might provoke them to anger if you have an unwarranted lack of trust in them. True, children should show they are trustworthy before you entrust them with greater responsibilities. Yet, if even then you still won’t trust them, that is going to frustrate them because they will realize that nothing they do will earn your confidence. These are several examples of ways you could provoke them to anger by abusing your authority, and surely more could be added. Parents, put this all off. Let me add one more way you might provoke them: neglect. If you don’t discipline them, if you don’t care, if you don’t show them that you love them, you might provoke them to anger. Children need their parents’ love and encouragement, and so do not withhold this from them.
That leads us to what parents should be doing according to verse 4. Parents, you are commanded about your children to, “Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Now the word here “bring them up” is literally a word about nourishing, as in you feed them so they grow. But it’s a word with an established use for a parent raising their child, as we seek to feed not just their body but also their soul into maturity. So instead of translating this as “bring them up”, you could also translate it as “rear or parent them unto”. This reminds us that as we parent our children that we should have a destination in mind. What do you want to be the outcome for your children? Now, we might have all sorts of goals and outcomes we want for our children. But verse 4 tells us what God wants us to aim for in terms of outcomes. Whatever other goals we might try to set for our kids, God’s goals must take precedence.
Those goals, per verse 4, are that your children would learn the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Let me explain these words. The word here for “discipline”, in the Greek, is paideia. It’s a rich and comprehensive word for all the training, instruction, and discipline that a parent will use with their children to see them grow up into maturity. The word in verse 4 of “instruction” is more specific and could also be translated as “admonition”. While it does include verbal instruction, it’s especially about how you might use your words to correct and exhort the child to right behavior or belief. So, I would prefer a translation of verse 4 instead of discipline and instruction, to maybe “training and admonition”. Parents, rear your children in the training and admonition of the Lord. This means you must teach, explain, guide, model, correct, and yes, discipline them, unto maturity.
Now let us not miss the most important part there in verse 4. It’s the words “of the Lord.” A parent’s training and admonition of a child is not just to teach them good manners and things like reading, writing, and arithmetic. Chiefly, you are to teach them the things of the Lord. That includes religious training like teaching them God’s word. It certainly includes guiding them into what it means to follow Christ, worship God, serve at church, and live righteously. But this training should extend to all their learning because following the Lord extends to all our life. In other words, a Christian parent should be giving their children a Christian education. Subjects like science, English, and math, can and should be done to the glory of God. This doesn’t mean that you have a strict requirement to send you kids to a Christian school, though certainly that is a great option to assist you in giving your kids a Christian education. As someone who went to a Christian school K-12, I heartily commend it. Of course, many Christians choose to homeschool so they can be fully involved in this work of educating their children in the Lord. If you do decide to send your kids to a non-Christian school, you should know the dangers that come along with that and you must be prepared to work extra hard to make sure your children are being trained in the Lord despite the influence that a secular education will bring to them. Parents, however you decide to train and educate your children, realize that it is something you are ultimately accountable for. You might use things like schools and tutors and even VBSes to assist you, but see that God calls you to make sure that your children are being educated in the Lord.
Let’s now turn to our third point by going back to verse 2. There, Paul says the command to honor our parents is the first commandment with a promise. Paul is referencing the Ten Commandments and how this is the first command with a promise specifically attached to it. It holds out a reward to children who would obey their parents. Exodus 20:12, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” Paul applies this promise here to the children as he encourages them to obey their parents.
This application does cause us to wrestle with some competing truths. Wisdom confirms that obedience is best for a child and that such is a path to blessings like long life. Yet wisdom also confirms that this must not be simplistically understood. There have been generally obedient children that have died young through no direct fault of their own. The Westminster Shorter Catechism helps us make sense of this in Question and Answer 66. It describes this as “a promise of long life and prosperity (as far as it shall serve for God’s glory and their own good) to all who keep this commandment.” While children should be encouraged that obedience brings God’s blessing, God’s providence may have bigger things at work in any particular situation.
While the Shorter Catechism helps us apply this wonderful promise to our present life, let us also consider the larger redemptive-historical context of the promise and its ultimate fulfillment in Jesus. First, notice that Paul adapts the wording in verse 3 to help apply it. The original wording promised Israel long life, “in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” Paul drops off the reference to the Promised Land to apply the promise to wherever God’s people live today. Yet the land of Canaan was itself a type of a coming greater inheritance. When Christ returns, he will bring us into the final Land of Promise, the new heavens and the new earth. And so, while Paul applies this promise to our present earthly lives, we should also recognize its ultimate fulfillment in the life of the world to come. While long life now can be a blessing, what we should ultimately desire is eternal life in the age to come.
Of course, the problem is that the promise of such long life is for obedient children. Yet, while some children are more obedient than others, they all have fallen short of the glory of God. We all know from our own childhood that this is personally true. None of us have fully obeyed and honored our parents. None of us can truly claim that we have earned the promised reward of life.
But there is one child who has perfectly obeyed his parents, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Luke 2 makes this point for us with that memorable story of Jesus as a boy in the temple. Jesus perfectly honored his parents, just as he kept all God’s laws perfectly. Jesus always did what was right and truly merited eternal life. Yet, for God’s glory and our own good, Jesus died after a relatively short earthly life. He willingly gave up his life to take the place of disobedient children like us. Not only have we fallen short of God’s standards to honor our parents, but we have broken all God’s commandments throughout our life. We had not earned this promised life, but instead deserve death and damnation. Yet, praise be to God, the righteousness of Jesus was so surpassingly great, that death could not hold him. On the third day he rose from the dead and now lives forever more. This is why we Christians now have the promise of such life. In Jesus, we not only have the qualified promise of long life in this present land, but the promise of eternal life in the land to come when Jesus returns. We fell short of the obedience and honor required of us, yet Jesus has fulfilled it and all the law for us. We rejoice in the grace that has promised us eternal life. This is what we receive as we believe in Jesus.
Saints of Christ, may this reminder of how Jesus has saved us encourage us whether we be parents or children. For whomever Spirit of Christ lives in, they have the power of Christ at work in them. May Christ within the children, encourage them to honor and obey their parents. May Christ within the parents, encourage them to lovingly raise up their children in the Lord, not exasperating them. May the sure hope of eternal life encourage us all to live out our new life in Christ even now.
Amen.
Copyright © 2025 Rev. W. Reid Hankins, M.Div.
All Rights Reserved.
